So I've taken some time off of my blog, mainly because my last month consisted of painting our house and re-organizing...who wants to hear about that stuff? Anyway, I was checking out the news this morning, which I do quite a few times a day, and I caught this article on CNN :
http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/03/07/military.families/index.html?hpt=Sbin
The article is about this Marine couple who chose to deploy and leave their 2 year old with their parents. My first deployment was before I had any children, so I was a prime candidate to go & just focus on my mission. I didn't realize at that time that I didn't have a stable husband and the deployment would be his breaking point and make any of his good qualities disappear.
My second deployment relates very closely to this couple's deployment. My son was 25 months old when we deployed for a full 15 month deployment as part of the Surge in Iraq. My parents were always my first choice to take him, and we made the appropriate arrangements for them to take care of my son. I can honestly say it was very difficult to leave him, but reassuring yourself that you're leaving your child with the people who raised you into who you are makes it a little easier. I knew that I didn't have to give them a parenting plan, or I'd have to change his entire lifestyle when I got him back. He knew them as Grammy and Pop-Pop, never as Mom or Dad.
There were no issues with him at my parent's house. He was your typical 2 year old child, sticking things in his nose, trying to sneak out of his room, etc. He would talk to me when he could, although it was usually just him holding the phone next to him & calling the phone Mommy. He knew that I was on the phone & just by having the phone next to him he felt connected. I made sure to spoil him, sending him gifts and cards that Grammy could give to him when the time was right.
While he was with my parents the community stepped in to support him. He was given a United Way scholarship for his preschool, which helped out drastically. He was also given a birthday party that was worth over $300 from a very friendly family that owned a place called Bouncing Off The Walls. They got the pizza place next door to even donate the pizza, and a local bakery to donate a cake! The church I went to in Yardley, PA even had plenty of babysitters all willing to step in and take him off of my parents hands if they needed that break! My brothers would step in as well, so there wasn't too much pressure on my parents to make sure they did EVERYTHING by themselves. All in all I'd say my son had it good!
This is the link to the video of my homecoming from Iraq :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtdM0VCI5do
When we got back from the deployment my parents were there waiting for me, with my son, and they right away left that next day. That was a smart decision because as soon as I took over discipline he would cry for Grammy or Pop-Pop, but that only lasted for a few weeks. We got settled down as a family of two and things went on as normal. I did notice as his 3's went on that he had horrible mood swings. Now, they could have been from his father's pre-disposition to psychological issues, because his father was a horrible sociopath, with other psychological issues that have never been diagnosed. My son ended up being cleared by a psychologist after a few months worth of therapy, including being told he didn't have ADD or ADHD. He was just trying to understand his emotions and was more vocal and angry about things than what I would consider normal.
My son is now 6 years old and in Kindergarten. His teacher says he's approaching the level of a child ready to graduate First Grade, so we're pretty proud of him! He has since learned how to control his emotions, and besides for a few outbursts is a very well behaved child. I don't think the deployment made him miss anything, he still loves me more than anything and has yet to be angry with me for leaving him. He and I still talk about when I was deployed and he says he was sad but then he was happy that I came back!