NTC Rotations...the JOYS of NTC!

Myself & a friend saying goodbye to our baby!

So my husband is finishing up his month of being at the National Training Center in Fort Irwin, CA.  This is a place I've been to before, from when I was in the Army.  It's not a horrible place, but it is by no means exciting.  I remember that my Mom flew out to Fort Riley in Oct '06 so that I could go to NTC.  She picked up my son, who wasn't even two yet, and flew back on a plane with him to PA to live with them while I was gone.  This was going to be the longest I was away from him.  Now, I was away from him for a few different field exercises, ranging from 3-21 days, but this was going to be the longest.  There is a period of time while you're out there where you can't contact home...and honestly, I think it's for the best. As much as I wanted to talk to my baby and hold him, that time not being able to talk to anyone outside of "the box" helps you focus on the mission at hand.  You get a little bit of free time before and after "the box" so it's not too bad to go a couple of weeks without calling home.  They have it set up amazingly well for the training you go through.  We had to learn how to do things when certain people were taken away from their jobs or new jobs were added.  The best part is that there is usually some sort of food shortage if a unit doesn't plan correctly, which is easily remedied with MREs (Gross 2000+ Calorie meal packs).  Also, planning isn't usually done 100% correctly, such as weight requirements versus packing lists.  There is a building that has phones for the troops as well as one with laundry but let me tell you...these are like feeding grounds & HORRIBLE to navigate.  The phones are usually always taken and the washers/dryers have long lines waiting for them.  This is especially bad considering my husband asked one of his NCOs to wash one of his uniforms with his clothes & the NCO came back to let him know that his brand new uniform was stolen out of the dryer while he went for a smoke.  Yes, unless you have something chained down expect it to be taken!  But hey, it helps you prepare for anything that gets thrown your way!!

December 2006 - Home from NTC

Our children are now 7 yrs old, 23 months, and almost 9 months.  The good thing about going through this before with our son is that we know what to expect with our toddler and her emotions.  When I returned back from NTC I was a single Mother to our son.  (My husband adopted him once we got married)  My son wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, and the picture my Mom captured speaks for itself.

My husband was able to capture some videos of himself and the kids get to watch them, so it has been pretty good for them.  They ask to see their Daddy videos and I showed them to them daily.  The videos are just goofy videos of him making faces, or ones where he is actually saying good morning, good night, complimenting our son on a good day at school, etc.  The kids also have drawn pictures for Daddy so he has some artwork when he gets back!

During the month of February I was dealing with the trust issue, which is still a very real issue in my life.  Reading certain books and talking to friends has helped me to deal with these issues better and I'm looking forward to the next chapter in my life.  I think that relationships all go through trials and tribulations and it is up to us as people to decide what the outcome will be.  We can either run from things or we can learn from them.  I'm a learner...as much as I like to physically run I'd rather work through issues that may present themselves.

Now, I can't end this post without giving a huge THANK YOU to all of the people who helped during MY NTC Rotation back in November 2006. My parents took my son to live with them and our huge extended family as well as church family all stepped up to help with him.  My parents had babysitters coming out of the woodwork, they had people offering to give them meals, have little playdates for my son, everything.  Here's just a few pictures of the torture they put my son through!!!

Squishes from his Godparents!

Cheek Pinching from his Aunt & Uncle!

Talking to Mommy!

Love from his babysitter's house!

PopPop & the boys after a Dance Party!  (Dancing to Phil Collins no doubt!)

New Beginnings

I have been so busy in my life that I've been neglecting my blog, when during this busy time I should have been posting more in my blog!  I'm officially 20 credits away from finishing my degree, and after all I've been through these last 10 years I'm super excited about this!  College has been easy for me but making time for it has been the challenging part.  Dealing with my past, present, children, work and college is sometimes a hard juggling act.  Thinking your life is going perfect and you've finally found the stability and love you've longed for and then having it all crash down around you is a rough feeling as well.

This last week has literally turned my world upside down.  I discovered that someone very close to me was living almost a double life, full of sin.  This friend of mine has made empty promises in the years that I have known them, and had me believing these promises.  I can honestly say that if I would have just stuck with my gut feelings these sins would have already been brought to life, just not as severely as they were a few days ago.  Some people may think that I'm over-reacting.  I keep hearing the same thing from everyone I've talked to, that they're sure this friend wouldn't have "acted" on the sins that I discovered.  The problem is that I feel a thought is an action and if you think it then you have already acted on it, regardless of your definition.  It's even harder when you've made life changes to go along with these lies, to support this friend in their life decisions, only to realize everything you've done was in vain.

Everyone in my life considers me a strong woman, quite a few people even mention how they wish they could be as strong as me.  I don't quite understand it because there have been so many days where I feel like I'm going to self-destruct.  I've been lied to by so many friends, boyfriends, etc that I am surprised I can even trust anyone.  My family has never lied to me, they've withheld the truth but when questioned have come out with the entire truth.  I think having a family that is like that has helped me get through each case of deception and lies in my life.  I know that I have to be strong for my children, the last thing I want is for my two young daughters to think weakness is a trait that women should have.

My family is about to deal with our second deployment of my husband since I've been out of the Army.  This deployment is going to be a trying one...it will be my first with three little ones to look after as well as finishing up my Bachelor's Degree and preparing for Law School when he gets back.  It will also be the first deployment that I will have my own Direct Sales business that is thriving and our house to take care of.  It will be another test in our lives but I know it's just a test I have to pass and show that I can handle all that life throws at me.

Halloween Activities!

The Oldest Entranced....

So for my birthday I decided to take all three of my kids (5 months, 19 months & 6 years) to hibachi all by myself!  I figured I'd just wing it & see what happened!  Well, my 5 month old wanted to be held most of the time, which wasn't too bad.  My 19 month old decided she wanted to eat ALL of our little salads they gave us.  We're seriously starting to think she's a vegetarian!  She used to eat meats but as she gets older she doesn't like them.  She'd rather eat salads than anything else!  She LOVES tomatoes the most.  But anyway, she ate all of our salads!  Once the show started the two oldest found it amazing.  They were glued to the cook until he was done.  The only part that got my two youngest was when he lit stuff on fire.  They weren't crazy about that heat.  The kids were great though, very well behaved and it was definitely a fun birthday dinner!  Our table mates were equally as fun & I didn't feel like I was dining alone.

My Gift Baskets (Wrapped Ones)

My actual birthday was filled with dropping off baked goods for a bake sale, that I baked all day Thursday, and the bake sale was so successful we made $800, and a Trunk or Treat!  This money is going towards a safe house for women freed from the sex trade industry.  I love being a part of such an amazing project.  To top it off they also got ALL of the furniture (except for a big dining room table) donated by Feldkamp's Furniture Mart in Manhattan, KS.  This was amazing because we thought we'd be doing fundraiser after fundraiser to afford it all!!  Anyway, after I dropped off the baked goods I went with the kids to a Trunk or Treat at my husband's unit.  It was very well organized & people were very glad I donated two gift baskets to be raffled off!  They also loved our trunk decoration.

Our Trunk!

Our trunk....man, our trunk.  My friend & I decided to try & decorate with a 5 month old, 15 month old, 19 month old & 6 year old running around.  After struggling for about an hour we realized one of us should run after kids & the other should decorate!  This worked out great & people loved our trunk :)  Lesson learned though, maybe a few pieces of garland & a bucket of candy would have worked better with so many kiddos!

Saturday was a down day...I decided to hang out with the kids & fill love buckets!  We snuggled, played, watched a movie, ate whatever they wanted & napped together.  It was such a needed break from the chaos of our lives!  Sunday was filled with church & a Tastefully Simple party.  I had a great time though & I'm happy to be a part of my church & a part of TS.

The kids (Peanut, Elephant & Firefighter) at the Mall!

Our actual Halloween involved indoor trick-or-treating to two places nearby, the mall and our church.  This is when my PTSD kicked in.  The mall got crowded quick and by the time we got to the church you could barely move!  I know my husband would have been going crazy...running outside to get away from all of the people.  Crowds are scary.  I went from trusting almost everyone I know to questioning everyone I meet.  It's very scary when a group of people are in one place, especially when you've witnessed that place practically disappearing from an attack.  The kids do help keep me grounded and Halloween wasn't overly stressful.  The kids did wonderful & I was so proud of my son's lego collection at the church.

Hunter with his Lego Collection (Most of it)

My husband comes back from San Antonio on his birthday, Friday.  He won't get home until the kids are asleep but he's super excited to be able to wake them up on Saturday!!  He is such a great man & even though he'll be exhausted from driving all day/night on Friday he wants to wake them up.  He loves them & they love him even more!  Our 19 month old asks for him constantly & she's starting to wake up in the middle of the night for a 5-10 min cuddle session.  I really think she misses her Daddy & it makes me feel good.  Our son didn't have a real Daddy until he was 4 so this is something new I'm witnessing.  I don't mind cuddling with her because she misses Daddy, I think it's good for both of us.

Birthday Week

So we are down to less than TWO weeks until Dad comes back from Advanced Leader's Course (ALC). It's so exciting to know he will finally be back here!  I have been working from 6am-12am each day JUST to keep up with things!  Between sick kids, their school, my school, house upkeep, etc my October has flown by!  Today through to Thursday are relaxing days...all I have to do is bake some goodies for a Bake Sale to sponsor a safe house for ladies saved from the sex trade.  Oh yeah, and of course help my son build his Lego collection all back up so he can display it at our church on Monday!

Our daughter is 18 months old now and when our oldest was that age I was preparing for a deployment so I wasn't giving him my full attention.  I'm realizing while watching our 18 month old how much I missed because I was working.  She's learning a new word a day and putting sentences together!  I was so preoccupied with work that when our son was 15-24 months it just seemed like he could talk one day!  It does make me feel guilty, I've been cuddling with him and giving him more attention than I have been...just so he knows we really do love him!

My Main Man!

My husband will call, Skype, and text with the kids daily and our 18 month old is seriously excited when those calls or texts come through!  She yells "HELLO" and "BYEBYE" at the phone constantly hoping it is her Daddy!  The kids are all handling this month really well, which reassures me that during his deployment next year they will all be okay.  I make sure that while they are awake we have family time, so that I'm not neglecting them because I really need to do the dishes!  That seems to be working, the only issue I've really seen is that our 18 month old NEEDS to see me or she starts crying.  She does eventually stop crying, like at church or at MOPS.  I think she just wants to make sure we both aren't leaving, or it may just be a stage of life!

Our youngest is almost 5 months old already!!  I started giving her real food this week, which is my own concoction of baby food.  I don't understand why people by the prepackaged foods when it is seriously so easy to make your own!  I have a 3-tier steamer, they're like $30-40 online or at Walmart, and I steam the three fruits, veggies or meats all at the same time!  It's super easy that way because then I can take each shelf-ful and puree them as I go.  Last night I made 42 ounces of baby food to freeze for just under $2.00.  My son even loves to help put the food in the blender to chop it up!  It takes less than an hour on a Sunday & she has food for the next 1-2 weeks.  She is such a well mannered baby girl and we are so blessed to have our three wonderful kids!

Baby Girl Waiting For Her Dinner!

So since our daughter is 5 months old & our middle daughter is 18 months old I didn't quite lose all of the baby weight before #3!  Well, I've been making sure I go running at least three times a week, I do Jari Love's DVD workouts & I also have started practicing portion control.  Let's face it, I love food & there are nights where I have to eat the mac & cheese I made for the kids because I'm in a hurry & by the time I get to make myself my own dinner it's 8-9pm.  Fugettaboutit!  I've been following this schedule for 2 weeks now and I've lost 8 pounds & have gone down one size in pants!  So exciting!

On a sad/happy note I've been weaning our youngest off of breast milk this week.  I know, it's way early but my husband & I won a getaway for Veterans to a B&B in Kansas and we want to be able to have just us time.  It'll be our first overnight getaway without any of the kids since our honeymoon!  She is hating me right now!!  I think it's harder to wean her off of me because it's just us at the house & she knows that I have the goods as I feed her a bottle.  I'm still BF her every morning & night & hopefully that can continue even during our getaway.  I don't feel like pumping or being in pain for our getaway though so we shall see!  She's such a sweetheart though & I think she understands that Mommy is tired & needs some adult time.

So Friday is my birthday and I was going to go out with my girlfriends for a fun ladies night.  Well...I volunteered to help my husband's unit with their "Trunk or Treat" and go figure, they had to reschedule it to my BIRTHDAY!  I'm not one to cancel on a volunteer job, especially when I didn't have any real plans made for my birthday.  My husband told me that he's going to send me to the spa for a day to relax & be by myself when he gets back so I think that's better than a girl's night out!  It is now nap time...best time of the day!  All three kids are sleeping, and so is this Mommy!

Back to being a "Single Mom"

 My husband left on October 2nd to go to school a couple of states away.  For an ENTIRE month!  To me this is a taste-test of what my life will be like when he deploys in a few months and it's not a welcome taste-test!  I know he has to do these things though, since I can honestly say I've been there, done that!  Our kids are currently 6, 18 months & 4 months old.  It's been almost 2 weeks now & it hasn't been too bad.  I honestly thought it'd be way worse.  The hardest part was when our 1 1/2 year old got sick for a few days and I had to take constant care of her, while giving the others as much attention as possible.

My poor sick baby :(

A big mistake that I'm learning is that I filled up my October calendar to the brim with things to do, thinking that it'd be great to pass the time!  I didn't consider the fact that I'd be exhausted doing 100% of the parenting 100% of the time.  Each week I have at least one taste-testing party for my TS business, I have school events for my son, and various appointments.  We also have church activities, MOPS, and attempting to keep up with friends!  I seriously did not realize the physical toll all of this would take on me.  I know he's not in a war zone right now, so I don't have that added stress.  I've been making myself exercise at least 5 times a week to finish losing all of my baby weight but geesh it's rough!

The girls after one of our runs :)

The first week he was gone I lost 5 pounds mainly from not eating.  I kept putting the kids before myself and ended up realizing at 5pm that I didn't eat all day!  My son had football & Taekwondo five nights a week, which made it nearly impossible to cook great, healthy dinners.  I had to cook them during the day, refrigerate and then reheat.  Shockingly the kids didn't mind & actually liked the meals that I made them & reheated more than they would have liked fast food!  Another lesson learned!  I also came across a bunch of coupons for Gerber items this month & for my grocery trip (I do one big one a month) I decided to go ahead & buy our 1 1/2 year old some since they were so cheap.  Whelp, that was money wasted!  She has always eaten my homemade baby food, which at around 7-8 months was changed into whatever we were eating for dinner mashed just for her!  She took one taste of the Gerber meal & threw it down for the dog to eat.  She wanted my chicken & tomato salad instead!  Glad I made extra :)

My yummy chicken salad!

This is the first time my husband has been away from the kids for this long, so this time apart is equally as hard.  To top it off he gets weekends off but it's too expensive & time consuming for him to drive home to visit with us (at least 15 hours) so he just sits around the hotel room.  Just 3 more weeks & he's back home with us :)  I know his pain because I had to leave our oldest with my parents for a month when I went to NTC (National Training Center) in California.  When you're there you pretty much have to give up your phones for a 1-2 week stretch where you can't talk to anyone back home.  This meant that my parents literally had EVERY say in what happened with my son.  You know how horrible that feeling is, as a parent??  My husband gets to talk to us right now on Skype & our phones & I send him daily pictures of the kids & myself, so he sees how we all are.  I also make sure I tell him about EVERYTHING the kids do, no matter how insignificant it may be.  He loves being a part of our daily lives, even so far away.

Well, until my next post....Happy Fall!

Changes in my Life

So I'm trying to get back into blogging, since I took a well needed break.  I just had our third baby in June and during that same week I started my final two semesters of college to finish my Bachelor's Degree!  Nothing like your baby coming a couple of weeks early when you're thinking you'll be well into the swing of classes before she comes!  Anyway, it all worked out fine and I'm now in a nice routine with all three of our kids and my husband's work schedule.  

I decided to pick back up my direct sales job and start throwing parties with friends and making some extra money on the side.  See, going from working constantly to staying at home with the kids I feel like I always need to do more.  I honestly feel lazy and start to get depressed if I am just caring for my children.  I guess that's something that I started to feel because I was a single parent in the Army for so long.  I remember I would work, sometimes until 2000-2100 at night (8-9pm) and then I'd come home to my nanny with my son & he'd already be fed & asleep.  Those days were rough because when I woke him up to take him to the nanny's house I couldn't even tell him if I'd actually see him again that day.

Now, not many single parents in the military are as lucky as I was.  I had my nanny who was actually someone else's nanny  & they just let me borrow her a lot!  I was stationed in Germany and it was great to have that support system, especially because my family wasn't around.  When my husband & I were making the decision of either both of us staying in or one of us getting out we decided I'd be the best to get out because of the amount of schooling I have completed.  You see, our parents all still work, as well as my brothers.  They wouldn't be able to drop everything and watch our kids for us.  My parents took care of our oldest during my second deployment, but I highly doubt they'd be willing to take care of more than one!  Well, they'd be willing but it would add 10 years to them! 

So now I'm going to college full time, being a stay-at-home mom, doing my direct sales business, and keeping our house in order!  To top it all off my husband had to go to school for a month.  Our youngest is now 4 months old and I am so relieved that she's at least sleeping through the night.  It is rough though, trying to figure out how to carry around a 1 1/2 year old and an infant and accomplish anything! He's only been gone for a couple of days but it has been a good couple of days so far.  Our babysitter has come in handy already!  I just honestly wish I didn't have that need to keep doing things.  I wish I could take people's advice and nap when they're napping, or have some me time once they fall asleep.  Instead I'm cleaning, doing laundry, getting ready for tomorrow, every night.  I'm sure many of you can relate, since we are women and I think that's just what we feel we need to do.  

I know that I still have the feeling that I should be making more money to support the family and it wears on my husband.  He feels as though he should be the one to be supporting the family 100% and that includes supporting me.  I guess I have the same feeling as he does, that I need to be the primary breadwinner!  We have been living in our house together for over a year now and we have finally figured out a system that works.  I think once I get over the feeling of not wanting to depend on him we'll be just fine!

Deploying As A Parent

So I've taken some time off of my blog, mainly because my last month consisted of painting our house and re-organizing...who wants to hear about that stuff?  Anyway, I was checking out the news this morning, which I do quite a few times a day, and I caught this article on CNN :

http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/03/07/military.families/index.html?hpt=Sbin

The article is about this Marine couple who chose to deploy and leave their 2 year old with their parents.  My first deployment was before I had any children, so I was a prime candidate to go & just focus on my mission.  I didn't realize at that time that I didn't have a stable husband and the deployment would be his breaking point and make any of his good qualities disappear.

My second deployment relates very closely to this couple's deployment.  My son was 25 months old when we deployed for a full 15 month deployment as part of the Surge in Iraq.  My parents were always my first choice to take him, and we made the appropriate arrangements for them to take care of my son.  I can honestly say it was very difficult to leave him, but reassuring yourself that you're leaving your child with the people who raised you into who you are makes it a little easier.  I knew that I didn't have to give them a parenting plan, or I'd have to change his entire lifestyle when I got him back.  He knew them as Grammy and Pop-Pop, never as Mom or Dad.

There were no issues with him at my parent's house.  He was your typical 2 year old child, sticking things in his nose, trying to sneak out of his room, etc.  He would talk to me when he could, although it was usually just him holding the phone next to him & calling the phone Mommy.  He knew that I was on the phone & just by having the phone next to him he felt connected.  I made sure to spoil him, sending him gifts and cards that Grammy could give to him when the time was right.

While he was with my parents the community stepped in to support him.  He was given a United Way scholarship for his preschool, which helped out drastically.  He was also given a birthday party that was worth over $300 from a very friendly family that owned a place called Bouncing Off The Walls.  They got the pizza place next door to even donate the pizza, and a local bakery to donate a cake!  The church I went to in Yardley, PA even had plenty of babysitters all willing to step in and take him off of my parents hands if they needed that break!  My brothers would step in as well, so there wasn't too much pressure on my parents to make sure they did EVERYTHING by themselves.  All in all I'd say my son had it good!

This is the link to the video of my homecoming from Iraq :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtdM0VCI5do

When we got back from the deployment my parents were there waiting for me, with my son, and they right away left that next day.  That was a smart decision because as soon as I took over discipline he would cry for Grammy or Pop-Pop, but that only lasted for a few weeks.  We got settled down as a family of two and things went on as normal.  I did notice as his 3's went on that he had horrible mood swings.  Now, they could have been from his father's pre-disposition to psychological issues, because his father was a horrible sociopath, with other psychological issues that have never been diagnosed.  My son ended up being cleared by a psychologist after a few months worth of therapy, including being told he didn't have ADD or ADHD.  He was just trying to understand his emotions and was more vocal and angry about things than what I would consider normal.

My son is now 6 years old and in Kindergarten.  His teacher says he's approaching the level of a child ready to graduate First Grade, so we're pretty proud of him!  He has since learned how to control his emotions, and besides for a few outbursts is a very well behaved child.  I don't think the deployment made him miss anything, he still loves me more than anything and has yet to be angry with me for leaving him.  He and I still talk about when I was deployed and he says he was sad but then he was happy that I came back!