Friday, November 15, 2013

Daily Mommy Battles

Let me tell you, being a parent is hard...regardless of what you have to deal with.  My kids are now 2, 3, and 8, and we just got settled into our new home in Florida.  I have had to move 7 times since 2006, some of those moves were as a single parent and some were as a married mother of three.  It is now 2013.  We are still at war.  My husband & I are currently having our own very personal battles.  I'm dealing with things I pushed back for so long that are now surfacing, and he's dealing with his last deployment that affected him more than he thought.  The worst part is that I can't go to counseling, because every therapist I've seen...okay, that sounds dramatic...the two I've seen on my own since we got married have told me I should let him deal with his issues himself.  The thing is...he's broken.  It's not his fault, it's not my fault.  They don't teach you to deal with these things like PTSD and TBIs in school.  They don't teach you how to deal with harassment and people not keeping in "their lane" in school.  You have to teach yourself these lessons and when you have other issues they all just pile on top of each other.

Shockingly enough, we "fit in" quite well into normal life.  No one sees our struggles until we say something.  Other moms are shocked when they find out I'm not only a Veteran of two deployments, but I've been wounded.  Other people don't understand the battles my husband is going through.  They see our kids who we shield as much from our battles as we can being well adjusted and happy.  They see our son on the honor roll and our daughters perfectly happy and healthy, with minimal tantrums.  They see our home well kept, and our pets well taken care of.  They see our nice cars, our nice clothes, and they think all is good.  That's where we go wrong.  There are people all over the world, Soldiers, policemen, social workers, teachers, etc, that see so much.  We're never trained to see or deal with what we see.  We are trained to deal with them in the moment, and then afterwards it's a trial and error type of thing.

I've noticed that moms are so quick to judge other moms and other people.  It's also a battle that many other people have, not just moms.  I've seen it in the "mom culture" quite a bit, ever since I left the Army in 2010.  I've been called a "sh***y mom" by two non-parents...and yes, I just can't get over it.  It's rough thinking that while you were trying your hardest someone else was thinking you were crap.  Let's face it, I'm human and it was hard.  Obviously I'm not too bad considering my oldest is doing just fine...with normal boy issues.  But yes, they felt the need to judge me.  They didn't know me, yet they judged me.  Yet, I can't get over it.  I'm more sad about the fact that I just can't get over it.  But...it's the driving force that makes me want to make sure my kids are well adjusted and doing as best as I can teach them to do in their lives.

Yes, I have my bad days.

Yes, there are days we all stay in PJs.

Yes, there are days where I just want to sit and cry...but the problem is, with my PTSD...I've stopped crying.  Have someone harass you for years & you learn how to suppress your emotions.  That has come back to haunt me, but I've slowly been able to bring my emotions back...the right ones at the right times.  Here's something to consider about people you see on the street:

1. That woman may have a torn shirt because she spends all of her money on others and has none for herself.  She may just want a hug, or someone to ask how her day was.

2.  That person may have bad teeth because they chose to use their finances to pay their child's medical bills instead of get their healthy, but crooked, teeth fixed...or a filling filled that wasn't exactly a "cavity."

3. That woman may drink a lot because she has no other way of knowing how to deal with the pain and issues she's had for years.  That man may be angry and yelling because he doesn't know what else to do.

4. That man checking you out may just be staring at you hoping that a little smile will have you talk to him, engage him, and just ask how he's doing.  He's really not checking you out.  That woman who is "judging you" may be looking at you thinking your hair looks beautiful.

5. No one cares that your hair isn't fixed...I haven't had my hair done since May/June and I STILL get asked if I just got my hair done.  It's all how you carry yourself.

6. That overweight person running or exercising is getting it done...while you laugh at them for being overweight.  We all start somewhere.  They are getting it done, and to me...that's all that matters.

7. That man that cut you off this morning on your way to work may have been afraid of a piece of trash on the side of the road...afraid it would blow up on him.  He probably didn't even realize your car was there.  Yes, not safe...but also not something that should make you follow them & flip them off.

8.  That woman driving the car with a Purple Heart license plate may actually be the recipient, and dirty looks that you give only make her smile inside because you are so quick to judge without asking...and she knows.

9.  That kid with the crazy messy face at the playground was just clean an hour ago.  Enough said!

10. You may think you're in a hurry...but that feeling you get when you help someone hold something while they search for their keys, or help them put something heavy in their trunk, is a feeling I can't describe.  You just have to feel it.  It's right up there with watching your baby take their first steps.

11.  Have you ever complimented a random stranger?  You should try...I recommend starting with the same sex, and see how their demeanor changes.  You'd be shocked at the feel good vibe you get.  I had to learn from other people complimenting me before I realized it's an easy concept.  It's just out of many of our comfort zones.

Now, I know that I'm probably just rambling...but hey, that's what my blog is for!  I am nowhere near perfect.  I schedule things & rarely actually follow the schedule, I always forget my purse or diaper bag when I leave the house, I can't get my kids potty trained until they're close to being three, and I can't keep my husband happy ALL of the time.  I've even had to leave a store because I forgot my debit card or cash...or my kids were so hysterical it only made sense to drop everything and leave.  But, I do know that I'm trying as hard as I can...and to me, I'm my biggest critic and I approve.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, this brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete