Monday, December 9, 2013

The Good, The Bad, and The Downright Evil

I've learned quite a bit during my time in and around the Army.  I know I haven't been around it as much as most, but I would have been in for 10 years this summer, and my husband just hit 16 years this summer.  I have met all sorts of people, and many of them are wonderful.  There are so many wives and service members that will give you the shirt off of their back if they could.  I love those people.  I've noticed there are lots of insecurities of military service members & their wives.  Here's my list of craziness, good and bad.

1. A wife thinks it's okay to get her vehicle repossessed during a deployment, and then tell her husband a different story because hey, he's deployed.  He doesn't know any better!

2. A Senior NCO will take his baby mama anger out on a single mother Soldier of his...but she will remain true to herself & still push her way through the ranks.  All he did was make her tougher.

3. Men love their pets.  If you "lose" his dog, cat, bird during a deployment he will eventually let that bottled up anger in him overwhelm him...unless you address the lie quickly.

4. When a wife you know lies about her "pregnancy" just to get into a bigger house on post & you anonymously call in a complaint to housing she will eventually realize you did it.  Then, she will tell everyone how horrible of a person you are.  Eventually you get to move away from that craziness...and it's great!

5. Facebook can be the devil.  People, in general, are so much quicker to post grievances with their fingers than say something out loud.  Have no fear, when I post grievances online I still have my face turn bright red & my anxiety takes over.  That could be a result of the PTSD but it lets me watch what I post online.

6. Many wives have body image issues.  Fat, thin, round, muscular, crafty, etc.  These women have a hard time seeing how wonderful they are at what they do, and many times have to embellish stories or live off of their husband's careers because they just don't realize their true potential.

7. People don't understand that satire is a form of comedy...it's not meant to hurt your feelings.  It's meant for you to get over your insecurities & realize we all have flaws.  Love those flaws!

8. Children can't catch RSV from someone's house.  Especially when that someone & her children are healthy & were not sick or getting sick while you were there.  It's also not a good lie to spread about that person.

9. Sometimes race does come into play in office politics.  It's sad, because I just don't care what color someone is...although if you're lime green I may send you to a doctor...but hanging a sign up on the office of a white NCO that her replacement is "the epitome of a strong black woman" isn't okay.  No matter who you are.  That white girl will be political about it & find a higher ranking black person who agrees with the inappropriateness of that sign. 

10. Lying about your childhood is only lying to yourself.  If you're still holding onto something from your childhood then it's time to talk to someone.  Now.  I didn't know my dad working long hours left me yearning for his love...until I went to counseling.  He helped me realize that every time my dad came to & from work & gave me kisses on my forehead (even asleep) that was the best symbol of love my dad could ever give me.

11. Try to keep your insecurities away from your actions.  Those around you learn from you, whether it be good or bad.  Have people remember that you are full of love and care about them, not that you're always complaining about your hair, lips, thighs, etc.

12. I understand the pride a wife has of their husband, but his uniform is his uniform (or hers).  Try not to wear it in a way they aren't allowed to wear it in public.  Easy enough, right?

13. Deployments are rough on everyone...it's okay to get yourself set up ahead of time with counseling, baby sitters, and support.  Sometimes the FRG will fail you and that's okay.  They are human and we all have flaws.

14. Don't try so hard.  You don't HAVE to make friends with people just because of your husband's (or wife's) position.  You just have to be tolerant of them...and welcome them to the family with open arms.  You'll learn real quick who wants that welcome.

15. There are so many wives I know that, even during their husband's deployment, are volunteering long hours each day/week/month to make sure other families/Soldiers/wives have the best time they could without their significant others.  These wives love their husbands & miss them deeply...so it's okay to talk to them about your fears & get real answers. 

16. Yes, many spouses come home from deployments with nightmares and a few will even choke out their wives during a nightmare...it's not okay to tell a wife that WILL happen with their husband...let her find out on her own.

17. Marriages where people aren't physically around each other are tough.  The last thing one of the spouses needs is to hear a rumor that their spouse is talking to a person of the opposite sex.  Wives - if there's a female voice in the background when you're talking to your man it doesn't mean she's sleeping with him....Husbands - THAT MEANS YOU TOO!!  I was blasted by a wife during a deployment...her husband was less than ideal, lol.

18. Just because she's a single mom in the unit doesn't mean she needs your love.  It means she's been dealt a hand of cards that she handled gracefully and is now raising her beautiful child all on her own.  She's okay with that and doesn't need a man to keep her happy.

19. It's okay for people to go to marriage counseling, or counseling in general.  This means that we all have demons and battles we are trying to fight.  Sometimes we need that extra push from a professional.  You may think he or she has had it easy...but she may have been abused during her childhood & you have no idea because of how graceful she is.

20. You don't HAVE to make friends with everyone you meet.  Moving around as much as military members do makes it hard to get to know people as deeply as many want.  This allows others to make up lies and other stories to fill voids in their lives.  Many service members live paycheck to paycheck...not because they want to.  They do that because they buy things to fill voids in their lives.  Get to know these people, help them figure out they are wonderful...just the way they are.



"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind." - Buddha



1 comment:

  1. I would agree to an extent with all except 16, that one no matter how many times I read it seems to have a hidden meaning?

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